Tuesday 20th January 2009by Tina
“I’ve been noticing something…”
It was a simple statement, but it bore a whole lot of weight when Carla uttered the words. As much as she hated to admit it, she had been thinking about this “Tom thing” ever since that night at the party. She did not want to think about it because she doesn’t think there’s anything to think about, even if Tom had been incredibly nice to her for the past few days. They had been chatting more often, gone to lunch and coffee breaks together, and just lately, they had been planning to go out with other friends. She knew most of it was just friendly things, but with Tom she couldn’t be exactly sure. Sometimes he’d play with her hair while they were talking; sometimes he’d squeeze her shoulders while they were walking. Sometimes, though, he’d seem to be aloof and distant, like he was stressed over something but when Carla would ask how he is, he would always say he was okay.
Carla tried her best to brush all of these off, but they kept on coming. One day she’d be okay, another she’d be staring at his name on her messenger list, wondering if she should talk to Tom first or wait for him to send her a message. She quietly questioned his intentions with every little thing he did to her, and that was quickly followed by her own chastising, constantly repeating the word “circumstantial” in her mind. Everything was just circumstantial, so don’t bother thinking.
But it still kept on coming. It was like an unstoppable force, much like her words after uttering that simple statement to Julie.
“What?” It was lunchtime on a Thursday. Julie and Carla were on an ice cream break, after Carla had found herself staring into space for the fifth time that day. Tom’s name on her messenger list beckoned to her, and Carla was annoyed at herself for wasting so much time on that little fact.
Carla looked at her ice cream sundae, mixing the chocolate syrup in the vanilla ice cream with her spoon, not caring if it turned into a pale brown soup. She wondered if she was making the right decision, if she should bring it out in the open. She remembered the trouble she got in the last time she opened her mouth to talk about something that she should not have, and Carla really did not want that to happen anymore.
But she needed to let this one out. Carla felt that she would burst if she did not talk to somoene about this.
“What is it, Carls?” Julie asked again, concerned.
Should she risk it?
Carla opened her mouth and started to speak.